老兵日志 发表于 2018-9-15 19:13

周六到了发几个笑话, 给大家放松一下！

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<div style="text-align:center"><img alt="图片" data-albumpriv="undefined" data-from="web" src="http://www.oldkids.cn/upload/2018/09/15/photo_20180915184829061.jpg" style="width:500px;height:500px"></div>




<div style="text-align:center"><span style="margin:0px;padding:0px;max-width:100%;color:rgb(0, 0, 0);text-shadow:rgb(204, 193, 217) 2px 2px 10px;box-sizing:border-box !important;word-wrap:break-word !important"><span style="font-size:24px;font-family:黑体;font-weight:bold;color:rgb(255, 0, 0)">1.抹个零</span>
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<div style="text-align:center"><span style="margin:0px;padding:0px;max-width:100%;color:rgb(0, 0, 0);text-shadow:rgb(204, 193, 217) 2px 2px 10px;box-sizing:border-box !important;word-wrap:break-word !important"><span style="font-size:24px;font-family:黑体;font-weight:bold;color:rgb(12, 12, 12)">有个二货和几个哥们去撸串，吃完他去结账，老板说102元。</span>
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<div style="text-align:center"><span style="margin:0px;padding:0px;max-width:100%;color:rgb(0, 0, 0);text-shadow:rgb(204, 193, 217) 2px 2px 10px;box-sizing:border-box !important;word-wrap:break-word !important"><span style="font-size:24px;font-family:黑体;font-weight:bold;color:rgb(12, 12, 12)">他和老板商量：老板，老板，抹个零行不行？老板说：行。</span>
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<div style="text-align:center"><span style="margin:0px;padding:0px;max-width:100%;color:rgb(0, 0, 0);text-shadow:rgb(204, 193, 217) 2px 2px 10px;box-sizing:border-box !important;word-wrap:break-word !important"><span style="font-size:24px;font-family:黑体;font-weight:bold;color:rgb(12, 12, 12)">于是他拿出12元给了老板。老板看着这12元，半天说了句：我开了好几年饭店，就没听过还带从中间抹零的！</span>
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<div style="text-align:center"><span style="margin:0px;padding:0px;max-width:100%;color:rgb(0, 0, 0);text-shadow:rgb(204, 193, 217) 2px 2px 10px;box-sizing:border-box !important;word-wrap:break-word !important"><span style="font-size:24px;font-family:黑体;font-weight:bold;color:rgb(255, 0, 0)">2.口号</span>
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<div style="text-align:center"><span style="margin:0px;padding:0px;max-width:100%;color:rgb(0, 0, 0);text-shadow:rgb(204, 193, 217) 2px 2px 10px;box-sizing:border-box !important;word-wrap:break-word !important"><span style="font-size:24px;font-family:黑体;font-weight:bold;color:rgb(12, 12, 12)">一觉醒来，突然很想军训去，口号是：立挣，向钱看，向左赚，向右赚，向厚赚，向钱走，一二亿，一二亿，收息……</span>
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<div style="text-align:center"><span style="margin:0px;padding:0px;max-width:100%;color:rgb(0, 0, 0);text-shadow:rgb(204, 193, 217) 2px 2px 10px;box-sizing:border-box !important;word-wrap:break-word !important"><span style="font-size:24px;font-family:黑体;font-weight:bold;color:rgb(12, 12, 12)">美好的一天从微笑开始！</span>
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<div style="text-align:center"><img alt="图片" data-albumpriv="undefined" data-from="web" src="http://www.oldkids.cn/upload/2018/09/15/photo_20180915184830764.jpg" style="width:500px;height:395px"></div>
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<div style="text-align:center"><span style="margin:0px;padding:0px;max-width:100%;color:rgb(0, 0, 0);text-shadow:rgb(204, 193, 217) 2px 2px 10px;box-sizing:border-box !important;word-wrap:break-word !important"><span style="font-size:24px;font-family:黑体;font-weight:bold;color:rgb(255, 0, 0)">3.李十针</span>
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<div style="text-align:center"><span style="margin:0px;padding:0px;max-width:100%;color:rgb(0, 0, 0);text-shadow:rgb(204, 193, 217) 2px 2px 10px;box-sizing:border-box !important;word-wrap:break-word !important"><span style="font-size:24px;font-family:黑体;font-weight:bold;color:rgb(12, 12, 12)">一大爷打针，护士扎了9针都没扎上，紧张的说：“大爷，这针肯定能扎上。”</span>
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<div style="text-align:center"><span style="margin:0px;padding:0px;max-width:100%;color:rgb(0, 0, 0);text-shadow:rgb(204, 193, 217) 2px 2px 10px;box-sizing:border-box !important;word-wrap:break-word !important"><span style="font-size:24px;font-family:黑体;font-weight:bold;color:rgb(12, 12, 12)">大爷皱着眉头问:“姑娘你姓李吧？！”护士惊讶道，“你认识我啊？”</span>
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<div style="text-align:center"><span style="margin:0px;padding:0px;max-width:100%;color:rgb(0, 0, 0);text-shadow:rgb(204, 193, 217) 2px 2px 10px;box-sizing:border-box !important;word-wrap:break-word !important"><span style="font-size:24px;font-family:黑体;font-weight:bold;color:rgb(12, 12, 12)">大爷说:“你就是传说中的李十针吧！</span>
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<div style="text-align:center"><span style="margin:0px;padding:0px;max-width:100%;color:rgb(0, 0, 0);text-shadow:rgb(204, 193, 217) 2px 2px 10px;box-sizing:border-box !important;word-wrap:break-word !important"><span style="font-size:24px;font-family:黑体;font-weight:bold;color:rgb(255, 0, 0)">4.坑爹</span>
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<div style="text-align:center"><span style="margin:0px;padding:0px;max-width:100%;color:rgb(0, 0, 0);text-shadow:rgb(204, 193, 217) 2px 2px 10px;box-sizing:border-box !important;word-wrap:break-word !important"><span style="font-size:24px;font-family:黑体;font-weight:bold;color:rgb(12, 12, 12)">爷俩去大酒店吃饭，看见桌子上有一盘芥末，都不认识。儿子舀了一勺吃了，当时泪如雨下，他爹看见，就问他：你怎么哭了、儿子憋了一口气说：没事，爹，我想我妈了，她老人家一辈子都没吃过这么好吃得东西······</span>
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<div style="text-align:center"><span style="margin:0px;padding:0px;max-width:100%;color:rgb(0, 0, 0);text-shadow:rgb(204, 193, 217) 2px 2px 10px;box-sizing:border-box !important;word-wrap:break-word !important"><span style="font-size:24px;font-family:黑体;font-weight:bold;color:rgb(12, 12, 12)">他爹听了也舀了一大勺吃了，当时眼泪哗哗的。儿子见状问爹，你怎么也哭了？他爹：我也想你妈了，她怎么生了你这么个坑爹玩意~</span>
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<div style="text-align:center"><img alt="图片" data-albumpriv="undefined" data-from="web" src="http://www.oldkids.cn/upload/2018/09/15/photo_20180915184829624.jpg" style="width:500px;height:481px"></div>
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<div style="text-align:center"><span style="margin:0px;padding:0px;max-width:100%;color:rgb(0, 0, 0);text-shadow:rgb(204, 193, 217) 2px 2px 10px;box-sizing:border-box !important;word-wrap:break-word !important"><span style="font-size:24px;font-family:黑体;font-weight:bold;color:rgb(255, 0, 0)">5.金屋藏娇</span>
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<div style="text-align:center"><span style="margin:0px;padding:0px;max-width:100%;color:rgb(0, 0, 0);text-shadow:rgb(204, 193, 217) 2px 2px 10px;box-sizing:border-box !important;word-wrap:break-word !important"><span style="font-size:24px;font-family:黑体;font-weight:bold;color:rgb(12, 12, 12)">老公说：晚上有朋友要来做客。</span>
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<div style="text-align:center"><span style="margin:0px;padding:0px;max-width:100%;color:rgb(0, 0, 0);text-shadow:rgb(204, 193, 217) 2px 2px 10px;box-sizing:border-box !important;word-wrap:break-word !important"><span style="font-size:24px;font-family:黑体;font-weight:bold;color:rgb(12, 12, 12)">老婆：不行啊，我刚做眉毛，不宜见人！</span>
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<div style="text-align:center"><span style="margin:0px;padding:0px;max-width:100%;color:rgb(0, 0, 0);text-shadow:rgb(204, 193, 217) 2px 2px 10px;box-sizing:border-box !important;word-wrap:break-word !important"><span style="font-size:24px;font-family:黑体;font-weight:bold;color:rgb(12, 12, 12)">老公：没事，到时候把你藏起来就行了！</span>
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<div style="text-align:center"><span style="margin:0px;padding:0px;max-width:100%;color:rgb(0, 0, 0);text-shadow:rgb(204, 193, 217) 2px 2px 10px;box-sizing:border-box !important;word-wrap:break-word !important"><span style="font-size:24px;font-family:黑体;font-weight:bold;color:rgb(12, 12, 12)">老婆：你这是金屋藏娇？</span>
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<div style="text-align:center"><span style="margin:0px;padding:0px;max-width:100%;color:rgb(0, 0, 0);text-shadow:rgb(204, 193, 217) 2px 2px 10px;box-sizing:border-box !important;word-wrap:break-word !important"><span style="font-size:24px;font-family:黑体;font-weight:bold;color:rgb(12, 12, 12)">老公：这是家丑不可外扬！</span>
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<div style="text-align:center"><span style="margin:0px;padding:0px;max-width:100%;color:rgb(0, 0, 0);text-shadow:rgb(204, 193, 217) 2px 2px 10px;box-sizing:border-box !important;word-wrap:break-word !important"><span style="font-size:24px;font-family:黑体;font-weight:bold;color:rgb(255, 0, 0)">6.影子</span>
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<div style="text-align:center"><span style="margin:0px;padding:0px;max-width:100%;color:rgb(0, 0, 0);text-shadow:rgb(204, 193, 217) 2px 2px 10px;box-sizing:border-box !important;word-wrap:break-word !important"><span style="font-size:24px;font-family:黑体;font-weight:bold;color:rgb(12, 12, 12)">昨天天气非常热，某女和男朋友逛街，有个小男孩老是跟在某女后面，很好奇，某女：“小朋友，你为什么老是跟着我，是不是你觉得我像你妈妈？”</span>
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<div style="text-align:center"><span style="margin:0px;padding:0px;max-width:100%;color:rgb(0, 0, 0);text-shadow:rgb(204, 193, 217) 2px 2px 10px;box-sizing:border-box !important;word-wrap:break-word !important"><span style="font-size:24px;font-family:黑体;font-weight:bold;color:rgb(12, 12, 12)">小男孩：“阿姨，你人胖影子大，跟你后面凉快呀！”</span>
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<div style="text-align:center"><img alt="图片" data-albumpriv="undefined" data-from="web" src="http://www.oldkids.cn/upload/2018/09/15/photo_20180915184829267.jpg" style="width:500px;height:520px"></div>
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<div style="text-align:center"><span style="margin:0px;padding:0px;max-width:100%;color:rgb(0, 0, 0);text-shadow:rgb(204, 193, 217) 2px 2px 10px;box-sizing:border-box !important;word-wrap:break-word !important">
<div style="text-align:center"><span style="margin:0px;padding:0px;max-width:100%;color:rgb(0, 0, 0);text-shadow:rgb(204, 193, 217) 2px 2px 10px;box-sizing:border-box !important;word-wrap:break-word !important"><span style="font-size:24px;font-family:黑体;font-weight:bold;color:rgb(255, 0, 0)">7.上学</span>
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<div style="text-align:center"><span style="margin:0px;padding:0px;max-width:100%;color:rgb(0, 0, 0);text-shadow:rgb(204, 193, 217) 2px 2px 10px;box-sizing:border-box !important;word-wrap:break-word !important"><span style="font-size:24px;font-family:黑体;font-weight:bold;color:rgb(12, 12, 12)">记得那年开学的时候，老爸第一次说要来接我，因为从小学一直是妈妈接送。放学后我等了一个小时还没看到人，然后我就自己走路回家了。</span>
<div style="text-align:center"><span style="margin:0px;padding:0px;max-width:100%;color:rgb(12, 12, 12);text-shadow:rgb(204, 193, 217) 2px 2px 10px;box-sizing:border-box !important;word-wrap:break-word !important;font-size:24px;font-family:黑体;font-weight:bold">回到家后，老爸就拿衣架打我，还说我为什么逃课，在学校门口等我半个多小时了，还没等到，我哭着说：“爸，我上初一啦！”</span>
<div style="text-align:center"><img alt="图片" data-albumpriv="undefined" data-from="web" src="http://www.oldkids.cn/upload/2018/09/15/photo_20180915184829501.jpg" style="width:500px;height:416px"></div>
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<div style="text-align:center"><span style="margin:0px;padding:0px;max-width:100%;color:rgb(12, 12, 12);text-shadow:rgb(204, 193, 217) 2px 2px 10px;box-sizing:border-box !important;word-wrap:break-word !important;font-size:24px;font-family:黑体;font-weight:bold">日志配乐--赵本山小品辑《<span style="color:rgb(255, 0, 0)">中奖了</span>》</span></div>
<p align="center"><embed height="0" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" allownetworking="all" flashvars="loop=true&amp;autoPlay=true&amp;url=http://win.web.rc01.sycdn.kuwo.cn/resource/n1/1/50/2947707238.mp3&amp;trackId=1771717&amp;trackName=Once%20Upon%20A%20Time&amp;artistName=Michael%20Dulin" width="0" allowscriptaccess="always" quality="high" invokeurls="false" src="http://s1.music.126.net/style/swf/LofterMusicPlayer.swf" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent">
</p></span></div></div></span></div></span></div></div></span></div></div></span></div></div></span></div></div></span></div></div></span></div></div></span></div></div></span></div></div></span></div></div></span></div></div></span></div></div></span></div></div></span></div></div></span></div></div></span></div></div></span></div></div></span></div></div></span></div></div></span></div></div></span></div></div></span></div></div></span></div></div></span></div></div></span></div></td></tr></tbody></table></div>

幽园馨兰 发表于 2018-9-15 19:53

问好，欣赏你带来的精彩幽默笑话

幽园馨兰 发表于 2018-9-15 19:54

很好笑的笑话，周六大家开心！

幽园馨兰 发表于 2018-9-15 19:54

秋，一季诗意的时光，一滴秋露，一缕清风，一抹墨香，一曲悠扬，渲染一幅唯美画卷，一声问候醇绵依旧，感谢精彩分享，遥祝秋安！

筱曦 发表于 2018-9-15 20:08

这个零，抹的好，我也学会了~

落雨听禅 发表于 2018-9-15 20:09

呵呵，真的乐了，感谢你的精彩分享

落雨听禅 发表于 2018-9-15 20:09

一缕浅秋清风，一滴秋露，带给你秋天的问候；一抹墨香，一曲悠扬，渲染一幅唯美画卷。感谢精彩分享，中画有你相伴更精彩，遥祝秋安！

绿地水池 发表于 2018-9-15 20:28

欣赏佳作。为你点赞。

黔中一叟 发表于 2018-9-15 21:01

拜访朋友，欣赏你的精采。让我的祝福像清风飘送， 让我的问候像绵绵春雨，花香片片，雨润无声，默默祝福于你！

￡渴々望〤 发表于 2018-9-15 22:53

好文采
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