请看诗词高手点评我的作品
<font size="4" style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);">（作者：八卦掌付）</font><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font size="4" style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);">《水调歌头 山城冬晚》</font><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font size="4" style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);">丹桂飘香久，红蕊点珍珠。暖冬犹见娇艳，春色照东衢。</font><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font size="4" style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);">着意青山含黛，且就碧波泛唱，浅底戏鱼凫。江河似明镜，四野听欢呼。</font><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font size="4" style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);">夕阳下，人曼舞，忘归途。晚霞流佩溢彩，欢乐在须臾。</font><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font size="4" style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);">缕缕炊烟入暮，薄雾升腾空谷，米酒沸几壶？多少人和事，逝者如斯夫！</font><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font color="red" style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font size="4">高手评述：</font></font><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font size="5" style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font color="#ff0000">上阕冬景也，下阕介以情思，意、笔顺畅。个别处可以调整，以求精进。如：着意青山含黠，知趣碧波藏郁。浅底正鱼凫。晚霞流梦溢彩。缕缕炊烟入暮，习习霜风廻谷。</font></font><font size="5" style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font color="#ff0000"><br></font></font><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font size="4" style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);">（作者：八卦掌付）</font><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font size="4" style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);">《八声甘州 与梅同醉》</font><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font size="4" style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"> 冻梅开放冷寂风中，不惹俗间尘。娇艳藏冰雪，无需夸赞，独自怡神。几朵摄人心境，淡看尽浮云。唯有俏丽影，祈若吾邻。</font><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font size="4" style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"> 此景赏过兴起，感叹豪气正，踏马无痕。学浩然大道，恍惚又千轮。朔风里、涅槃仿佛，觅明灯、看昨夜星辰。将清酒、与君同醉，呼唤谁人。</font><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font color="#ff00ff" style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font size="4">高手评述：</font></font><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font face="微软雅黑" style="font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font size="5"><font color="#ff0000">八声甘州起句，需用一字领，改一下：恁冻梅开放冷风中。“娇艳藏冰雪，无需夸赞，独自怡神。几朵摄人心境，淡看尽浮云。”好。唯有俏丽影，丽出了，唯有俏姿影？感叹豪气正，此处亦须用一字领。“但恃豪有绪，踏马无痕”？朔风里、涅槃仿佛，好句。看昨夜星辰，句式不合。“怕卿卿、昨夜误星辰”？“将清酒、与君同醉，恰是何人”？</font></font></font><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font size="4" style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);">（作者：八卦掌付）</font><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font size="4" style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);">《七律 梅自超然》</font><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font size="4" style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);">谁言至朴散余情，梅自超然映晚晴。</font><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font size="4" style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);">玉宇琼妆堆雪茧，粉霞巧夺入纡萦。</font><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font size="4" style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);">大仪龙辇羡东阙，小酌仙翁醉上城。</font><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font size="4" style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);">一缕幽怀寄烟雨，万般缱卷是吾兄。</font><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font size="4" style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font color="#ff0000">高手评述：</font></font><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font face="微软雅黑" style="font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font size="5"><font color="#ff0000">梅自超然映晚晴，好句。情、晴，同声韵，相连太近，诗词应注意避免。玉宇琼妆堆雪茧，已经是粉色为基调了，下之粉霞不必，红霞巧夺入纡萦？再者，纡萦乃虚，前之对亦须相应。玉宇琼妆堆绰约？东阙、上城有典否？尾联已作抝救，结句可斟酌以升华意境。</font></font></font><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font size="4" style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);">（作者：八卦掌付）</font><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font size="4" style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);">《五律 踏雪寻梅》</font><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font size="4" style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);">踏雪欲寻梅，惊叹绝美哉。</font><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font size="4" style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);">冰心融妙意，玉臂拥灵薹。</font><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font size="4" style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);">粉瓣赠佳士，金瓯证凤媒。</font><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font size="4" style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);">含羞朔风里，遗世孰能猜？</font><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font color="#ff0000" style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font size="4">高手评述：</font></font><br style="font-family: Tahoma, 'Microsoft Yahei', Simsun; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font face="微软雅黑" style="font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 206);"><font size="5"><font color="#ff0000">踏雪欲寻梅，破题。惊叹，不必写出，也可表达。闲情绝美哉？冰心融妙趣？玉臂，不明。<br>既然踏雪，不妨“玉屑筑灵台”。冰心、玉臂、粉瓣、金瓯，四平头了。“裹粉呈佳士，披<br>红证凤媒”？含羞朔风里，风出。含羞清寂里？</font></font></font><p></p> 八卦斑斑的诗词佳句多多~~高手点评的很到位，有精彩句子给予好评，不足之处友情指出并给予建议性修改，这位高手真乃良师益友！ 三笑 发表于 2015-4-14 20:36八卦斑斑的诗词佳句多多~~高手点评的很到位，有精彩句子给予好评，不足之处友情指出并给予建议性修改，这位 ...
谢谢，这个点评人就是蝴蝶庄生，您应该知道。:handshake 八卦掌付 发表于 2015-4-14 20:37
谢谢，这个点评人就是蝴蝶庄生，您应该知道。
不好意思哦，因俺没时间去别处玩，有点孤陋寡闻了~~还真不认识蝴蝶庄生先生！ 三笑 发表于 2015-4-14 20:41
不好意思哦，因俺没时间去别处玩，有点孤陋寡闻了~~还真不认识蝴蝶庄生先生！
哦、:lol:lol
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