俏皮话
<div>（一）</div><div> 1、友情就像花瓶一样，被人一捣鼓就碎了。</div><div>
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</div><div> 2、兴趣就像情人，虽然激情燃烧，但解决不了温饱。</div><div>
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</div><div> 3、一直对发型不满意的人有一个共同点：不肯承认这是脸的问题。</div><div>
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</div><div> 4、是英雄站着，是狗熊爬着，我天天猫着腰。</div><div>
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</div><div> 5、吸进去的是氧气，吐出来的是叹息。</div><div>
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</div><div> 6、写病史看起来是最基本最没有技术含量的事情，却往往是医生生涯的终结书。</div><div>
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</div><div> 7、现在终于发现，当年挂过科的，总是要还的：计算机没学好，上网买不到火车票！数学没学好，算不好房贷！化学没学好，总是吃到地沟油！通信工程学没学好，买个手机总是没信号！</div><div>
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</div><div> 8、谈论别人的缺点，你是小人；谈论人类的缺点，你变成哲人。</div><div>
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</div><div> 9、把车作为礼物送给女人，那叫阔绰；把洗碗机作为礼物送给女人，那叫婚姻。</div><div>
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</div><div> 10、平常心不是用来追求成功的，平常心是用来面对失败的。</div><BR>
<div>（二）</div>
<div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 1、言辞越空洞，观点就越复杂。</div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 2、金子总会发光，但不一定总值钱。</div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 3、炒股那可玩的是钞票，挣的是心跳！</div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 4、薪水越高越容易被裁员，薪水越低越容易被取代。</div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 5、物价涨得很快，所以我在餐馆吃饭的时候都会先付钱。</div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 6、我爱上了我的床，但是闹钟吃醋了，总是想把我和床分开。</div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 7、我对你的爱是纯天然的，没有添加任何防腐剂，所以保质期也很短。</div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 8、人生的痛苦莫过于经历了超级风雨后，不但没看到彩虹，结果还感冒了。</div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 9、人生如同坐车，而我们都是司机。途径每一个站点，有人下车，有人上车，开始陪伴你的人多数中途就离开，而真正陪伴你的总是少数，甚至一个都没有。</div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 10、要活得太累，不要忙的太疲惫；想吃了不要太嫌贵，想穿了不要说浪费；心烦了找个朋友聚聚会，瞌睡了倒下头就去睡。心态平和永远最美，天天快乐才对。</div><BR>
<div>（三）</div>
<div><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Tahoma, 宋体, SimHei, sans-serif; font-size: 28px; line-height: 21px; text-align: left;"><font color="#FF0000"><br></font></b></div></div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 1、买台冰箱，保修期才三年；你嫁个人，还要求这个人一辈子不出问题吗？</div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 2、历史的大悲剧不是发生在正确与错误相对抗时，而是发生于两个正确相对抗时。</div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 3、兄弟之间．可不就是两肋插满了刀，不是你插我—刀，就是我插你—刀吗?</div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 4、真相可能比虚构的故事光怪陆离，但绝不会比谎言更荒谬。</div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 5、爱睡觉的亲们注意了：科学最新发现，死亡率最高的地方是床上。</div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 6、清醒时做事，糊涂时读书，大怒时睡觉。</div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 7、我买过最贵的东西，是梦想！</div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 8、我们做得最默契的一件事是：我不联系你，你也不联系我。</div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 9、钢琴弹得好加分，那杀猪杀得好，凭什么不给加分？</div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 10、你问我为什么爱你，这难度就像要我描述水是什么味道一样。</div><BR>
<div>（四）</div>
<div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 1、男人为女人感觉太敏感而痛苦，女人为男人感觉太迟钝而烦恼。 </div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 2、爱不是相互凝望，而是朝同一个方向看去。</div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 3、一项新事业，10个人当中有一两个人赞成就可以开始；有5个人赞成时已经迟了一步；如果有七八个人赞成，那就太晚了。</div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 4、登天难，求人比登天更难。春冰薄，人情比春冰更薄。江湖险，人心比江湖更险。</div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 5、当死神给你打电话的时候，你要正告他，他拨错了电话号码！</div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 6、好男人鼓励你花钱，好老公鼓励你存钱。</div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 7、世界上最悲哀的事情不是碰不到美女，而是碰到了美女及其男友。</div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 8、以前该省钱的时候我一分钱没省下来，现在真的省下来了，钱又不值钱了。</div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 9、富不过三代，是因为败家子；穷不过三代，是因为娶不到媳妇，木有后代……</div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto; font-size: medium; "> 10、所谓营销，只需要记住3句话：第一，让没有用过你产品的人用你的产品；第二，让已经用你产品的人用得更多；第三，让用了你产品的人就不要再用别的产品。</div><BR>
<div>（五）</div>
<DIV style="WHITE-SPACE: normal; TEXT-TRANSFORM: none; WORD-SPACING: 0px; COLOR: rgb(0,0,0); FONT: medium Tahoma; ORPHANS: 2; WIDOWS: 2; LETTER-SPACING: normal; TEXT-INDENT: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px"> 1、情场上可爱的人，未必可靠；职场上可靠的人，未必可爱。</DIV>
<DIV style="WHITE-SPACE: normal; TEXT-TRANSFORM: none; WORD-SPACING: 0px; COLOR: rgb(0,0,0); FONT: medium Tahoma; ORPHANS: 2; WIDOWS: 2; LETTER-SPACING: normal; TEXT-INDENT: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px"><BR></DIV>
<DIV style="WHITE-SPACE: normal; TEXT-TRANSFORM: none; WORD-SPACING: 0px; COLOR: rgb(0,0,0); FONT: medium Tahoma; ORPHANS: 2; WIDOWS: 2; LETTER-SPACING: normal; TEXT-INDENT: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px"> 2、牛说：这么多人喝我们的乳汁，却没有人叫我们一声“妈“。</DIV>
<DIV style="WHITE-SPACE: normal; TEXT-TRANSFORM: none; WORD-SPACING: 0px; COLOR: rgb(0,0,0); FONT: medium Tahoma; ORPHANS: 2; WIDOWS: 2; LETTER-SPACING: normal; TEXT-INDENT: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px"><BR></DIV>
<DIV style="WHITE-SPACE: normal; TEXT-TRANSFORM: none; WORD-SPACING: 0px; COLOR: rgb(0,0,0); FONT: medium Tahoma; ORPHANS: 2; WIDOWS: 2; LETTER-SPACING: normal; TEXT-INDENT: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px"> 3、心是最大的骗子，别人能骗你一时，而它却会骗你一辈子。</DIV>
<DIV style="WHITE-SPACE: normal; TEXT-TRANSFORM: none; WORD-SPACING: 0px; COLOR: rgb(0,0,0); FONT: medium Tahoma; ORPHANS: 2; WIDOWS: 2; LETTER-SPACING: normal; TEXT-INDENT: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px"> </DIV>
<DIV style="WHITE-SPACE: normal; TEXT-TRANSFORM: none; WORD-SPACING: 0px; COLOR: rgb(0,0,0); FONT: medium Tahoma; ORPHANS: 2; WIDOWS: 2; LETTER-SPACING: normal; TEXT-INDENT: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px"> 4、找工作到《职来职往》，找老婆到《非诚勿扰》，结了婚到《老公看你的》，有了孩子到《快乐大本营》，有了孙子到《星光大道》，有了重重孙子到《鉴宝》，死后到《科学探秘》。</DIV>
<DIV style="WHITE-SPACE: normal; TEXT-TRANSFORM: none; WORD-SPACING: 0px; COLOR: rgb(0,0,0); FONT: medium Tahoma; ORPHANS: 2; WIDOWS: 2; LETTER-SPACING: normal; TEXT-INDENT: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px"><BR></DIV>
<DIV style="WHITE-SPACE: normal; TEXT-TRANSFORM: none; WORD-SPACING: 0px; COLOR: rgb(0,0,0); FONT: medium Tahoma; ORPHANS: 2; WIDOWS: 2; LETTER-SPACING: normal; TEXT-INDENT: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px"> 5、虽然你身上喷了古龙水，但我还是能隐约闻到一股人渣味儿。</DIV>
<DIV style="WHITE-SPACE: normal; TEXT-TRANSFORM: none; WORD-SPACING: 0px; COLOR: rgb(0,0,0); FONT: medium Tahoma; ORPHANS: 2; WIDOWS: 2; LETTER-SPACING: normal; TEXT-INDENT: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px"><BR></DIV>
<DIV style="WHITE-SPACE: normal; TEXT-TRANSFORM: none; WORD-SPACING: 0px; COLOR: rgb(0,0,0); FONT: medium Tahoma; ORPHANS: 2; WIDOWS: 2; LETTER-SPACING: normal; TEXT-INDENT: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px"> 6、狗熊想变成英雄，互掐就行。</DIV>
<DIV style="WHITE-SPACE: normal; TEXT-TRANSFORM: none; WORD-SPACING: 0px; COLOR: rgb(0,0,0); FONT: medium Tahoma; ORPHANS: 2; WIDOWS: 2; LETTER-SPACING: normal; TEXT-INDENT: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px"><BR></DIV>
<DIV style="WHITE-SPACE: normal; TEXT-TRANSFORM: none; WORD-SPACING: 0px; COLOR: rgb(0,0,0); FONT: medium Tahoma; ORPHANS: 2; WIDOWS: 2; LETTER-SPACING: normal; TEXT-INDENT: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px"> 7、不要用你的现状，判断你的未来。</DIV>
<DIV style="WHITE-SPACE: normal; TEXT-TRANSFORM: none; WORD-SPACING: 0px; COLOR: rgb(0,0,0); FONT: medium Tahoma; ORPHANS: 2; WIDOWS: 2; LETTER-SPACING: normal; TEXT-INDENT: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px"><BR></DIV>
<DIV style="WHITE-SPACE: normal; TEXT-TRANSFORM: none; WORD-SPACING: 0px; COLOR: rgb(0,0,0); FONT: medium Tahoma; ORPHANS: 2; WIDOWS: 2; LETTER-SPACING: normal; TEXT-INDENT: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px"> 8、爱情是矛盾的，当你选择把对方的优点放大，对方就是适合你的人；当你決定把对方的缺点放大，对方自然就不适合你。</DIV>
<DIV style="WHITE-SPACE: normal; TEXT-TRANSFORM: none; WORD-SPACING: 0px; COLOR: rgb(0,0,0); FONT: medium Tahoma; ORPHANS: 2; WIDOWS: 2; LETTER-SPACING: normal; TEXT-INDENT: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px"><BR></DIV>
<DIV style="WHITE-SPACE: normal; TEXT-TRANSFORM: none; WORD-SPACING: 0px; COLOR: rgb(0,0,0); FONT: medium Tahoma; ORPHANS: 2; WIDOWS: 2; LETTER-SPACING: normal; TEXT-INDENT: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px"> 9、请不要把我对你的容忍，当成你不要脸的资本。</DIV>
<DIV style="WHITE-SPACE: normal; TEXT-TRANSFORM: none; WORD-SPACING: 0px; COLOR: rgb(0,0,0); FONT: medium Tahoma; ORPHANS: 2; WIDOWS: 2; LETTER-SPACING: normal; TEXT-INDENT: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px"><BR></DIV>
<DIV style="WHITE-SPACE: normal; TEXT-TRANSFORM: none; WORD-SPACING: 0px; COLOR: rgb(0,0,0); FONT: medium Tahoma; ORPHANS: 2; WIDOWS: 2; LETTER-SPACING: normal; TEXT-INDENT: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px"> 10、无论过去发生什么，最好的永远尚未到来。</DIV> 我们做得最默契的一件事是：我不联系你，你也不联系我。
看似俏皮，其实都有一定的道理
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